The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
