My liver just broke up with me...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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