Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
