So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
