Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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