Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
