if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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