That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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