just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
