marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
