Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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