It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Randomize
