chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
no you cant smoke seaweed
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
