life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
