Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
