I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You were trust falling into bushes
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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