She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
