i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
