The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
