Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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