i just sent this text using only my big toe
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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