textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
