About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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