Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
