I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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