im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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