My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
