2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
