yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Randomize
