i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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