Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
