i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
