Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
