i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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