youre lurking in front of me
we made out on top of his cat.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
