I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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