listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
