I can tuck mytits in my pants
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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