i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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