pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
