Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
