garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
tell your sister to shave her snatch
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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