you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
