She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
