did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
