I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
