I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize