The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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