Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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