i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize