Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
