Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just cut my nipple shaving
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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