But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
