So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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