He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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