I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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