Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
