i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
