I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
please come you make the beer taste better
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
