Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
