in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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