I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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