yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize