Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
