I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
