I'd wear matching sweaters with you
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
