hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
