it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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