She's JV to your varsity
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
