My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
