Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
