I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
party gras won. party gras always wins.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
