This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
